I planned after family and friends celebrating my eldest daughters 21st birthday on sunday,that when i returned home,i would do some of that ever present and often quite banal activity that underpins the more obvious an sometimes public aspects of my activism.I was however thwarted by complete breakdown of connectivity,which reveals each time it happens how dependent i(maybe we)become on each new wave of new technology.So it all”goes west”and gets delayed……and some of it is overdue and elayed anyway,sometimes by my procrastination but more often by helath problems or other features of reality,including inn recent days the hot weather.
i would not dare complain but the high temperatures,bright light and even the rain today,which raise the humidity brings me to a standstill.i think,but i don’t know that it in some way”excites”the pollution so my eyes ache and stream,my breathing is clogged which is really uncomfortable and the bright light is blinding……
Yesterday,it was my daughters birthday,so i spend time at home doing not much in particular except enjoying their company.I went out for lunch with a friend who has kindly given me a replacement mobile phone,after mine,reputedly”serious kit”broke down.i find myself now making no progress in getting that repaired,and thats its far inferior substitute has also simply both been difficult to work and now refuses to work.This is complicated by in my opinion the attitude of the company,which brings out the curmudgeon in me.I suspect that once they have our money they are less interested in anything else.Indeed when i talked to someone yesterday,who seemed unwilling and unable to connect me to the person or department i need,her answer to my request for help was to want to sell me something else and i’m aware that this sort of material has now become the substance of certain comedians routines.I go”bah!humbug!!and put it down to a feature and function of capitalism.
Connectivity is better but its not good,and my friend tells me that this could be the weather.So this technology is again not perfect,but suject to internal quirks and the impact of external factors,like too much heat and too much rain,which should mean in this country that nothing ever works.I had indeed been anxious that said connectivity rpoblems would prevent communication with both my friend and several other people seeking my help.
So i try to deal with those enquiries,both campaign issues and people in distress as best i can.
Today,whilst progress is always slow(er),i suspect because i have slowed down,and because my self expectation is always higher than i actually manage,i seem to be getting through quite an amount of stuff.The highlight of the day,should be a meeting tonight of Brent TUSC,which will be addressed by several much better known speakers than myself but at which i guess i will make more public than before that i am willing to stand as a TUSC candidate in the next local council elections.That meeting will as always provide yet more organising opportunities in relation to both TUSC itself locally and some of the other issues i am involved with.
At this point in the day i don’t suppose there is much else i can do to prepare for it,except to look after my own needs now-sometimes activity preoccupies me so that i forget to eat for example.Other than that i guess it is at times like now that the tension and nervousness might set in.It is at such times that i seek to centre myself,though that probbaly sounds more pretensious than it is,and to “call in”energy from others.If the reader is not of a spiritual persuasion,i guess that comes down to some sort of desire for”good luck”,which frankly always strikes me as more bizarre than asking for or making prayers or similar practices.The other side of that excercise is good for any of us,in moments of doubt,self-doubt or feelings of isolation,to recognise how others contribute to our activity,by say giving us food,driving us,or just wishing us that good luck,thought,affection or prayer.I believe that these are material,concrete transactions-it need not be mystical for the exchange of words or feelings however subtle or small does perhaps galvanise or buoy me/us up/forward.
Now we can only await the outcome tonight.